2019.07.12 The Majesty of Death
Again, another 500 words…otherwise, I will get caught in trying to contribute others and try to bridge for them when what I really want to do is thank Creation and whatever I am made from for giving me the opportunity to live with a conscious being for the last fourteen years. I have a consult at 8 am and it is 7:32 am so I am not sure I can complete my 500 words by then. The last week, there have been times that Lily had all the presence of about to die. As an aside, if you are reading this go to the Post On Illness and Dying I did a few days before July 12th, 2019. I have been reading Learning to Die by Oberto Airanto and speaking with my friend Shama Viola who is committed to The Good Death, the great mystery, that human beings fear and yet would move them more powerfully into the beauty and majesty of their existence than any one day in human life. I am having that opportunity with Lily, my dog. Today she could get around again. It really winds her and right now she is panting heavily as I write. I have been examining my beliefs and my positions around her dying which in one way or another she is. Much of what I was examining, I already know, but in the face of her death, I let go of some of the most precious comprehensions I have, regarding the eternal. I realized I did not want her to go, but it is clear she is preparing to go. I was operating from my fear of loss, not the possibility of being with a conscious being who is teaching me the beauty of the path from life into death. When I wrote my last post, you could say I finally got straightened out. I also feared my emotions which are intense when they surface. As Lily and I have progressed in our transformation together the last week, I realized that I fear the intensity of my emotions mostly in front of other people.
After the Activation on Wednesday, July 10th, 2019 and gateways opened between here and the afterlife, my sentient intelligence has increased expediently. I realized that Lily is walking her death just as she walked her life. Today was an incredible indicator of that. She wanted to do her 3-mile walk to the lake and the canal and back. She did the same walk several days ago and then collapsed for two days. I realized today, in my trying to avoid her collapsing, I was interrupting her natural process of preparing to die. Today I did not, at first, let her walk to the lake. We walked around the pond here at the park. When we got back, she stood by the car. She wasn’t having it. The other day when she took off to the lake I had to follow. She was completely in charge. I realized it was happening again. I didn’t realize right away. I sat down and was reading Learning to Die, but she insisted, walking back and forth to the car over and over again. This time I complied. Only we drove instead of walked to the gate, mostly because, if she collapsed, I had no way to get her to the car. Parked near where we were walking, I could perhaps get her in the car or at least drive back to get help. It was amazing. There are really no words. She took her traditional swim and then we walked across the levy by the lake. When we got to two circular areas treed with one side grass and the other dried weeds, she walked around inside both the areas. She has never done this. It was perfectly obvious she was examining where she might want to lie down. Then she looked at me and set off back to the car. It was as if a light bulb went off in my head. I am now very clear she is searching for her refuge place for her death. It would seem it will be either her outside bed, her inside bed that she has been spending time in even when I am outside, something she has never done before, or the lake area. I am calling the doctor she had in the past to come to euthanize her if needed. I will have to tell her that she may be coming to the lake. I am not yet sure I can sit with her for a few days while she dies. I am pretty she wants me there because she keeps looking at me and staying right beside me, so I am sure I am included. I just want to be able to be her best friend in supporting her in doing her transition well. 831 words with time to spare to get to my consult. Namaste!