If I could have a miracle, the miracle would be that somehow this journal entry reaches the woman who touched me deeply and who I wish I could help.
At the bottom of this journal entry is a request for those who have had covid…not to work with me but to find a particular remedy….but please read first.
This is a simple yet heartfelt hope that I can reach somehow the airways of as many people as possible that have had covid and post covid breathing problems, general fatigue, muscular fatigue, and/or depressions that are existential crucibles.
I use the word ‘crucible’ on purpose because the last seven months of restructuring my life to get my life back has left me at the door I did not expect. I am 75 years old. That means I have a long history with myself. What I did not expect was having to go to ground zero to rebuild my system (post-Covid is not a recovery event. it is a rebuild event from scratch event). The definition of a crucible is -a situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new. the word existential is also on purpose. ‘Existential’ comes from a Latin word that means ‘to exist.’. The field deals with questions about the meaninglessness of human life and a person’s individual freedom and responsibility to make his or her life meaningful in some way.
I was fortunate. I have an extraordinary medical support structure of women and men who are on the leading edge of researching not disease recovery but what has a physical system restore its wholeness regardless of the disease or injury. Much research has been done to show that the body can completely regenerate or at least for now to an expanded degree beyond what was thought. This has always been true for me. I have a track recovery of rejuvenating my body but now consciously. That means I did not have the actual path it took, I just seemed to have a capacity to have show up what was needed and I had not forgotten at a spiritual level that the body was whole regardless of its circumstance or what it was at the effect of. Now I have a more conscious relationship with what has the body remember its wholeness but it is important to remember it was not always that way for me.
What had me finally write this journal entry was yesterday. I had met a woman last month who was in covid recovery. She and I and others are in an exercise and fitness center together for heart and covid recovery. When I saw her she was laughing and she was talking to me about how she couldn’t believe how I took on working out so rigorously and that it was fun to watch and inspiring.
It has been hell actually, but I go in, put my airbuds in my ears….turn on Technotronic music. My body is inspired and responds to the beat. Then I went home and collapsed. For those rebuilding their bodies and their psyches after Covid, I might add that I am on the side of rebuilding where I can now breathe and mostly not fatigued so much after exercise. What I have now run into is the replenishment of blood flow in the muscle has produced excessive soreness and pain. I have chosen not to use pain killers simply because I am paranoid they would suppress the body’s natural healing…and truth said…I have a few times. My brain still revs and it is hard to meditate and sleep but I use delta music from Source Vibrations to at least help me get to sleep or have my brain rest. All this is for those of you who think they need to recover can take on what it is to rebuild. I had Covid in June 2020. It is now August 2021. The post symptoms did not start being evident until February of 2021.
I saw her yesterday day. She turned and looked at me and smiled. We are all wearing masks again, but I recognized her anyway. She was walking laps around the gym room holding onto an oxygen tank trailing beside her. She had not been on any oxygen of any kind before. Her eyes were sad, kind, and pleading. That did it.
Now PLEASE I BEG YOU FIND A HOMEPATH! The one thing that was absolutely clear was the Covid depleted my system’s ability to recover its life force energy no matter what I did. Nothing worked. No matter what I did, I couldn’t walk more than 20 steps. Any incline of altitude took me down. I couldn’t hydrate. I had to stay on baby coconut water to keep my electrolytes in my body. I started Carbo Monoxide [leaving out dosage intentionally because you need to contact a homeopath and let them know what I was on.] and Conium. It wasn’t overnight. It took months including making my body move and lots of rest and a Mediterranean diet with primarily a protein shake that gave my body just what it needed without over-taxing the digestive process.
The most important thing besides the intense need to handle post covid effectively was I had to make myself first. I had always made my work first. No more. I found a sense of self in taking care of my body that I did not know existed. I had a good life…a rich life…a deep life before Covid but this is different. Yesterday when I was driving back from the clinic, I noticed that lately there had been a quality to my thinking that felt like the thinking of a ‘me’ that would have been me if I had not been so shaped by the reality I was born into and the obligations I felt I had to fulfill to be here. It felt good.
For those of you who read this, let your friends who have had covid and are struggling mentally, emotionally, physically. It affects your mental processing, your emotional happiness, and your muscular strength including the heart and lung muscles.
postscript: There are other things I did also. I got the remnants of the virus out of my intestinal track with a horse worm application, I stayed on the same supplements that I fought through the disease with. I kept my body highly fed with what has it build back, but the homeopathy, without it nothing could have reglued my body have the little spike protein had ravaged it because it keeps the body depleted long after the symptoms are gone. I know I was there.
I love you.